MISHA’S 30-MINUTE ESSAY
I think we have grown afraid of talking about real things. We are so polarized now and so hell-bent on pointing fingers and blaming the “other side” that we have stopped giving ourselves space and time to chart a vision for the world that we want to create. So much of the time I think people are on the defensive now; we are constantly fighting against the tide, fighting against the bad things that are happening (many of which we are powerless to stop), and when all of this fighting and blaming and finger-pointing and internet road-rage is finished, we don’t have any energy left, any hours left in the day, or the heart to carry on.
So what I want to create here is a place where as a community we can ruminate on the things that really matter: How can we be whole, happy humans making a contribution to the human family in a humane way? How can we create the blueprint for the world we want to build and the design for the lives we want to live? How do we respond to these fires and torrents in the outside world? How do we stay sane, and stay impactful? These are questions that Emily and I spend a lot of time talking about—sometimes on jogs, sometimes at the dinner table with the kids, sometimes in bed as we fall asleep. We don’t have answers, but we do have lots of questions that we seek answers to and we do have lots of ideas.
We want to fold you into that searching and into those conversations to see if we can hash out those ideas with a group of people who also care and who don’t want to feel like they are alone in this quest. We are not alone in this seeking, but many of us have not yet found the other seekers. Like a search party in the woods, we could organize, line-up, and start sweeping the forest floor for our answers. We will certainly find some. And we will all be able to grow together.
This all might sound high-minded and highfalutin, (I don’t know if there’s a difference between those two terms?). But that’s another thing that I think is important to mention. I think we have grown wary of talking about real things for some reason. We respond to the news cycle, to the outlandish or horrific things our President has done today, but we don’t spend enough time talking about philosophy, about the metaphysical, about the human condition, about, to put it bluntly, the meaning of life. My parents talked of revolution and experimented with altogether different social structures. Emily’s parents were self-described anarchists who built a sailboat from scratch and spent years sailing the Atlantic and Pacific with their two kids. In modern life, too few of us are willing to talk about big ideas let-alone take big risks with our lives. Too many of us (and Emily and I count ourselves in this number) have found ourselves and our kids bought into systems and value-structures that we didn’t actually choose and don’t actually, in our hearts, believe are best. So this community is in part an effort to examine those automatically-assigned constraints and to start imagining and building and living by different sets of values that focus on the things we actually in our hearts know are important: Human connection, empathy, creativity, equality, attentiveness, humor, bravery and leadership.
So, while we’re not gonna shy away from grandiosity, we also know that part of what makes a good life whole is attention to the smallest things. And finding humor and pointing at the absurdities and not taking ourselves too seriously. So that is very much going to be a station on this network of ours. We’re gonna make ourselves laugh, and if you’re a member of this community, you’re welcome to either laugh along or, like our children so often do, you’ll just have to figure out a way to roll your eyes and tolerate our stupidity. And, like our children, you can call us “stupid”, but we will request that you do so lovingly. We actually wanna make this a place where the name-calling is good-natured and where we look for the best in one another not find ways to rail against one another. If you want to rail, X is your platform—but here, we’re going to laugh and contemplate and figure out how to build better, happier lives.
That’s my rundown. We have one more minute left on the clock and I’m worried that Emily’s essay is gonna be much more poetic and articulate than mine, but I will request that you refrain from comparing our writing. They’re just different. One is not better or worse than the other, just different perspectives. After all, I’m just an actor, not a writer. Now she’s yelling at me because the timer has gone off and I’m still typing….
EMILY’S 30-MINUTE ESSAY
As far as I can make out, there is really only one reason for two introverts (yes, Misha and I are both introverts, masquerading as extroverts) to engage in an experience of extreme extroversion, exposing ourselves to the judgement of strangers, sharing our flaws and faults with untold numbers of eyes, and otherwise airing our dirty laundry for anyone to see: in order to build a world worthy of the children born into it, including our own, we have to turn toward one another; struggle through the hard bits together; and contribute our small efforts of goodness—together.
To many of us, the world feels particularly heavy, and I’ve been thinking a lot about the kind of people who are largely unburdened by that heaviness; who are happy to go about their daily lives with enviable simplicity: eat, sleep, work, play, visit with friends, watch sports, plan the weekend, repeat. I have thought a lot about all the humans with big belief systems that give them a scaffolding through which they can make sense of the world and all its complexities. I have thought a lot about the do-gooders, the humans who spend their days worrying and worrying about all that’s broken in the world.
Misha and I talk often about what it means to be a “good human”, and what it would look like to have lived “a good life.” As a mother, I think about the future and consider the vantage point of our children and can’t help but wonder what the future looks and feels like to them. I wish for them to live in a world where the prevailing wind is one of goodness and optimism. For them to see a future full of possibility. I wish for them to see strangers, not in dichotomous categories of good humans or bad humans, or as scary “others”, but to see strangers as part of a whole human community. For them to see pathways of life with joyful simplicity, with an open-hearted curiosity about the world and the perspectives of other people, and with a drive to make positive contributions to the magic of this one, precious life they have been given.
Every time Misha and I run into a comically long string of aligned viewpoints, decisions, opinions, and perspectives, he jokes that that’s because we are actually not two different people but just the same person. We have both spent our grown-up lives trying to save the world through what can be grossly overgeneralized as leadership and philanthropy. But the truth is that there is so much beautiful nuance to explore with one another, not just Misha and me, but all of us. I find myself saying often- we are complicated creatures, us humans. And so full of flaws- flaws that make us capable of inflicting unthinkable harms and capable of astonishing selflessness. There is so much to be gained by breaking down the rigid walls of judgement and fear, and trying to understand the interdependence of our shared humanity. There is so much to explore in this experiment of being human with one another. And there is no better way to do that than through open-heartedness, joy, humor, humility, vulnerability, curiosity, empathy, creativity, and love.
At the risk of using an overused word- my hope for The AnteSocial is to create a truly pro-social sense of community. To leave behind the toxic ecosystem of mainstream social media and instead invite people, invite you, to opt-in to goodness. Not to create an echo-chamber of liked-mindedness, but to grapple with big questions, and hash out the little ones. To explore the textures of our differences. To remind one another that through joy and humor we find connection and the energy to carry on in this big human experience. To take risks and be brave in pursuit of living a good life, which for Misha and me, means making the world a little better, in whatever ways we can, while we have the opportunity to do so.
So, we invite you in. To an experiment of nonsense and unfiltered honesty, with a purpose.
MISHA’S RESPONSE TO EMILY’S ESSAY
Honey, I agree with everything you said. Perhaps we are the same person after all. My one note is that nowhere in your essay did you (and I suppose you perhaps were wary of sounding too fawning), but I noticed that you did not mention how much I inspire you. That’s okay. There will be plenty of opportunities down the road.(laughing: Such a dick. Laughing.)
EMILY’S RESPONSE TO MISHA’S RESPONSE TO HER ESSAY
Misha, I read what you wrote and thought, “Forget what I wrote, this is perfect!” You’re frustratingly good at everything. And although that sometimes (okay, often) means that I feel ill-equipped to keep up with you, and all the good you do in the world, it’s simultaneously inspiring me to keep trying. How’s that, love?
